Danger Zone

I don't have much to post about, but found this on the internet and was pretty shocked by it! What do you think? Would you do this?

Poor Puppy

I hate that pit bulls have such bad reputations. I believe that they are only bad because people make them bad. Here is a prime example of a pitbull who will likely fit the stereo-type; makes me sick. Poor puppy :(

Lots of bad things seem to be happening in and around Madison lately. It makes me nervous!

Craigslist

Maybe this is one reason why I'm afraid to sell something on Craigslist! I guess I have a problem trusting people...

Relationships

While out with Angelo the other night I became one of those girls that I hate. I lost my confidence in myself and in my relationship when I became increasingly uncomfortable with the fact that a girl Angelo once knew was sitting at the table behind me. I tried to maintain my composure and my confidence in my relationship with Angelo, but I guess when this girl is constantly watching me I got uncomfortable. Angelo and his friend came to the bar so that Angelo and I could go home together, but he could still have his guys night. That was fine initially, but not when that girl was there. I guess I needed attention from him that I wasn't going to get. He still wanted his guys night. I would have moved to another table if the bar wasn't so busy. I just hate that I became that person that I hate. I love my boyfriend and I know that he loves me too. We were in a lose lose situation that night, and I wanted to win. I was being a stubborn baby. I'm so mad at myself. We woke up yesterday morning and he was still mad at me, he tried leaving right when we woke up, which defeated the purpose of staying in bed for a while together, since our schedules never allow us to do so. He didn't want to be with me, he didn't want to lay with me. After he left I laid in bed crying and came to realize something very important about myself and why I act in a way that I know will push the one I love away from me. It's like I always knew something was wrong with me when I get to a certain point in my relationships with guys, but never could put my finger on it; I finally became conscious of what was the cause. My dad and brother. My dad moved away when I was 6 years old, leaving his family that he should have been responsible for. I probably only saw him a handful of times each year that he was gone. My father left me. Even until now, he is his own priority. He was never there to support me in any way a father should support his daughter. He just worried about himself and the things he wanted and needed. I could go on and on about the things he didn't do, and I probably couldn't even begin to say what he actually did do for me. Then there is my brother, he must have learned from my father. We are 8 years apart, which that alone makes it difficult for us to have a normal brother/sister relationship. But he also never gave me attention or care. He too is also all about himself. I only see him when, a)he needs something from my mom, b)it's his birthday, or c)the occasional holiday where he actually decides to get out of bed to spend time with his family. Being that my dad and brother were the only men in my life growing up and the fact that they both more or less abandoned me, makes it hard for me to accept the love of Angelo and not fear that when things get rough he won't leave. I find ways to push him away, ways in which used to be unconscious, but now I am aware of them. I act in the way I did the other night at the bar, so that if he leaves me, it's my fault. I don't know if I really think that my dad and brother not being there for me is my own fault, but it's hard not to think that at least a little bit. I guess I'm afraid to be with someone and not expect them to leave me and not take care of me in ways that I guess I need. Not to say that I depend on being taken care of, that's not what I mean. Just someone to love me unconditionally and someone who I know will do anything for me if it comes down to it. That's not my dad or brother, will they ever truly be there for me? I don't think so. They are #1 in their world. Dad's vacations were always more important. Dad says it's incredibly important for me to go to college, but his new trucks, campers, and vacations come before helping me to get through college financially. Or in high school when I was going through some of the hardest times in my life, and hardly making it to the next day, "sorry Kristin, I'm going on vacation."....I really could go on, but I guess it comes down to the fact that my dad and brother have had more of a negative effect on me than I ever realized before. It upsets me like no other. I hope though that now that I am aware of what has caused me to push away the people/person who means most to me that I will be able to stop myself. I need to trust that Angelo does love me and stop letting my fears get in the way. My heart is feeling so much more than what I was able to write in this blog, but I can't seem to find the words.

2nd Great Depression??

I'm really praying that things turn around for our country. I am hearing way too many stories of people ending their lives due to financial hardships and job losses. It's so sad to get a glimpse of what it must have been like in the Great Depression.

Crazy Life

I don't really have much to write about, but I haven't posted anything in a while so I thought I'd see what I came up with. Things have been pretty busy lately, also pretty good. The first couple weeks of classes have gone alright, but I'm feeling a little behind on the motivation this early in the semester. I suppose it is due to a lack of interest in the classes that I'm taking. My Women in Literature class isn't starting out so well since the first book isn't interesting at all. I try to pay attention to the things we are supposed to, but I find myself reading the words but not actually analyizing them. The book is Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. The worst class of them all is definitely Introductory Algebra, it's a very low level math class, but my brain just doesn't process mathematical equations easily. This class is taking up so much of my time. Over the last 2 days I've spent at least 10 hours on the homework, and not even doing well on them; It's pretty draining. I'm also supposed to figure out the topics of my first 2 speeches for Speech class...I've been slacking there too, I'm hoping to get that finished tomorrow night. Developmental Psychology is another story; I am LOVING this class. I haven't had to do any work outside of class just yet since we make good use of our time in class. It helps a ton being so interested in the topic being studied.

Speaking of Developmental Psychology; I have a meeting at UW Madison next week to meet with an advisor. I am interested in applying for the Child Development major there, so I need to find out what I need to get done before I can apply for a transfer. I'm hoping it goes well and don't hear anything I didn't expect to hear; unless positive of course!

With all of these things life is so busy. It's hard to find time for all the people in my life and all of the things I want/need to do. Since Angelo and I have recently gotten back together, he's one of my top priorities aside from school. I had a super fun time out with some girl friends last night though, a much needed social night! I just need to keep my motivation for the things that are important, and make time for everything. That includes volunteering at the elementary school--even though the kids are crazy most of the time, I really enjoy being there with them after school; and it doesn't hurt that it will help me get into the college I want!

School Anxiety

The start of my spring semester at school is fast approaching. I think the anxiety finally hit me last night after thinking about 7 of the books I just purchased for my Women in Literature class. That 7 is out of 9 required for that one class...I think the anxiety comes from the realization that as of next week my social life will be dwindling away from me. And that's only one of four classes for the semester. I figure that my attempt at maintaining interest or at least motivation through my educational journey would be to take at least one class of interest per semester, this semester that class is Developmental Psychology. I'm pretty sure I won't be majoring in Psychology, but a minor wouldn't be out of the question for me. I just want to work with children and their families. The other three classes....speech (ew), algebra (double ew), and women in literature. The thought of these classes caused a bit of an emotional breakdown last night...pretty much taken out on Angelo; how nice of me. Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised by my ability to relearn algebra again, or I should say learn it, since I never really did in high school.